So far, I've always gotten what I've set my eyes on.
Every time I've really wished for something, intention-style and all, it's happened.
Not absolutely everything, of course. Almost, if I'm perfectly honest.
I've kissed all the boys I wanted to kiss. Met a guy when I was 18 to spend 12 years with and marry. Had the child I wanted to have when I decided to get pregnant. Got custody of my daughter and kept my house when I separated, then sold the house and found a flat where I actually wanted to live, which I bought with a mortgage I got alone on my freelance salary. I've had the experiences I wanted to have after my divorce while maintaining the proper distance between my household and detrimental relationships.
I've been sucessful in what I've studied from my first grade to my second masters degree, even when I decided to change course after two years studying law, even when I decided to continue studying while working and managing a household all by myself.
At 25, I got a job on my first interview ever after getting and internship without even applying for it, then left my job quietly to work as a freelancer with my boss' blessing and regular translation work from them.
As a freelancer, I've had a steady flow of work almost immediately and every time things have been slower, I've managed to work part-time as a teacher for a while or get help from the Belgian government during the pandemic.
I've travelled where and when I wanted to. Not as much as I've dreamed of but enough not to get bored with my single mom's life.
When I decided to try and have another child alone, I had direct access to MAP as a single woman in one of the only countries in the world where it's allowed. I didn't need any treatment: I got pregnant at 39 years old on my first try one month after making the decision to get anonymous donor insemination, with no hormones, no shots and no painful procedures.
Don't misunderstand me: not everything is easy and perfect in my life. But every time I really want something, I make it happen one way or another.
Yet I tend to focus on what's missing or imperfect. Everything I'm not particularly good or sucessful at and everything I wish I had but cannot possibly get right here and now... Or ever for that matter.
Why is that? Why do I always emphasise what I'm not or can't have instead of enjoying what I've achieved and what life has blessed me with?
Since I seem to be quite lucky in life, at least so far, why not be more confident that if I set my eyes on something I really miss or lack, I'll probably get it some day, one way or another... Probably not how I've envisioned it, but at some point I'll manage to make it come true, in my usual twisted way.
Success is not an exact measure of a seemingly perfect life but the ability to accept to be an imperfect work in progress.
And be ok with that.